I wear all the hats, but one of the most time consuming is chauffeuring . Raising a teenage girl is hard work. Throw in a toddler and 5 month old and I’ve got a circus going on here. The reality is that I am on a roller coaster that doesn’t stop. One second, we are jamming singing our hearts out and the next, I’m taking a phone, strictly managing schedules or saying no to another social outing.
It’s hard out here for a momma.
I wrestle between “I want to be your friend” and “You deserve for me to be your mother.” But, phew, it’s hard. The conversations of phones, social media, and cars. Reality hits hard. I want her to know that I’m her biggest cheerleader and hype girl, but I’m also going to be the one to reel her in. Balance.
One of the biggest debates that I see on social media is often about phones. The question is generally centered around when is the appropriate time to give a phone. In my experience, people often want a definitive answer or a magic number. The truth is that there is no magic number. When it comes to phones and social media, we have to ask ourselves the hard questions and WE have to be accountable for our actions or lack thereof.
When we decided that this small bright rectangle, that gives her access to others and others access to her was appropriate, it of course came with rules for her. There were time curfews, limitations on who was could be added, hard rules against FaceTiming the opposite sex, and no deleting of messages just to name a few. More importantly though, the phone came with work for us. We had to (and still do) monitor who is added as contacts and the amount of time spent browsing or texting. The phone still comes in our room for study time. It still gets monitored for excessive use and distractions. It requires significant effort on our part to guide her in proper use and avoiding addictive behaviors.
The phone conversation isn’t new. I see it all the time. The conversation that I rarely see is the one about vehicles. For a long time, I couldn’t wait to see her drive. I had not thought about the freedom and trust that needed to exist with this privilege. Now, the conversation about a vehicle has shifted in our home. It’s no longer a fun conversation about what her dream car is and bee bopping around town. It’s actually become quite the opposite—it’s serious.
This shift is now centered around maturity and recognizing the privilege and responsibility that driving entails. The risk to the lives of others, consequences that could be fatal and can’t be undone. I now feel that it is my obligation to ensure that she understands the serious nature of driving and that she is mature enough to handle it with integrity.
In the last couple of months, I’ve had to ask myself what integrity looks like for us. What are our expectations and what will signify that those expectations are being met?
Last night, I finally really put those expectations into perspective. Here, it means that she recognizes the hierarchy and lives it out daily. This means that she puts God first, Family second, and school third. Living this out requires intentional action each day. It means planning for mass and confession each week. Devoting personal time to prayer. It means being honest in family interactions and expressing gratitude through actions. When you see someone struggling or needing an extra hand or a chore done, jumping in without being asked or prompted. It means planning your school work, studying in advance, attending tutoring, and sacrificing social time to get ahead in your studies.
I know this isn’t for everyone, but when I look back at my life, there are moments where I see my own detour when I was handed a set of keys. It’s easy to say “I’ll take it back” or “I’ll park the car” but once you get into the routine of no longer having to be the chauffeur, taking it back and parking it just aren’t as easy anymore. I no longer feel societal pressure to hand over a set of keys.
So, for us, I’ll still be wearing my chauffeur hat for a while because we still have a hierarchy to conquer….
God
Family
School
In the meantime, I ask St. Christopher’s protection over all your new drivers.
Chasing Destiny 
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